Mending my own heart

 I just arrived in Tutong for tahlil function for Mulah Nini Usu. The function will start after Isyak prayer. I just wanna do this for brief.

Going to Tutong tonight is partially me wanting to get away from home. I try to be okay but those negative,hurtful vibes I got from my husband won't go away. 

I always forgive him, I always let him has his ways. This was my biggest mistake. My husband definitely has taken me for granted. I have no say, I cannot say anything. Oh yes I can, I do have the chance but I do not have the energy to go berserk and stand for myself. Let's just see how things will go. 

These few days I do not feel like uttering I love you to him. And he does not notice. Yes, I do question myself -does he still have any feeling for me? Or are we just two adult playing role mommy and daddy for our kids? 

I pray to Allah, sekiranya jodoh kami panjang may our marriage be blessed with harmony. If jodoh kami bukan ditakdirkan ke akhir hayat may Allah give me the strength to be strong and to be redha. 

I can't tell you anymore Abi how you make me feel. How Abi kasar kdg ckp with me,your words your gestures put my heart in so much pain. I give up telling you. Hanya Allah saja dapat buka mata dan hati Abi untuk sadar that I am your responsibility. Amanah from my parents. This is not something my parents would have wanted for me. And yes I pray Allah kurniakan anak kitani Inara jodoh yg baik baik, yg jaga Inara as how a wife should be treated in Islam.. amiin ya Allah