2024 was a year not to remember, 2025 be a better one!

 I wanted to this a lot, meant to do some post somewhere end of December 2024 but things happened, was so caught with wedding, emotional turmoil as usual.

In a nut shell, 2024 was quite a bad year for me especially financially and emotionally.  The silver linings that I could make out of 2024 are like... i need to be careful with my financial. My husband is not someone I could turn to. He really put me beyond my place last year. I don't feel like going into the details but from 2024 I am learning not to feel too sorry for him. And yes inda salah minta duit ara nya utk belanja. Apa yg aku minta so far still less than I deserve.

I realized my feelings are becoming less. Sometimes I did feel guilty for being inconsiderate. But everytime i started to feel sorry, the other part of me would tell myself things like "Yuhana, ia dulu tesurung jua buat kau cemani, ia tesurung jua burukkan kau ara mama nya, ia tesurung jua bagi kau $50 saja masa SPK nya, ia tesurung jua suruh kau hantar ambil drg even kau pucat damam, ia tesurung jua lapaskan angin ny inda pedah pedah ara kau, ia tesurung jua inda layan kau kan mnjam duit anak mu byr masa bonus biar kau mengemis ara urg lain but ia bulih sng sng mnjmka org lain". THESE THOUGHTS STILL LINGER IN MY MIND VIVIDLY.  EVEN RIGHT NOW! 

He said to me last year "if ia ani inda kanangkan baik ku hancur sudah rumah tangga ani. He never thought of me putting up with the bullshits. I always thought its the kids what are holding me back from packing up my things and go. I don't deny he is a good father to the two of them. 

And yes ada baik nya ku kanang, our good times but these things are being over ruled by my fading feelings. i get annoyed easily with him lately. 

There are other things i wanna talk bout 2024. it was not just him who made my 2024 hell.

I am already sleepy.

Night!

2025- please be a better year!

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