Get It Right! :)

Assalamualaikum and Hi! I am gonna make this brief ( I hope) ;) First, on  25th September 2015,  had a mini last minute surprise advanced birthday for my husband.  Happy 36th my love! May Allah shower you with his grace and may your life (and mine too :P) be filled with prosperity, happiness and good health. I love you so much. I thank Allah for letting me have you in my life. I know our relation has its ups and downs and thanks for not letting me go. xoxo I had been wanting to have this as his birthday cake. Bingo. It was indeed possible. Thanks Hommedbaga for making this though the reservation was really last minute. Hehe. We had quite a long holidays last time. It was quite satisfying. It could have been really awesome if I did not have to teach. *sobsob* It is okay, better plan next year. Insha Allah. We went to have our little honeymoon. We did not go anywhere far. But our honeymoon was indeed awesome. We went to Miri a day before our anniversary....

I kept on thinking about shattered glass since yesterday. A shattered heart is like a shattered glass. I kept on thinking of the cracks. I kept on thinking how to be mend those broken pieces and be okay again.  It takes time. And space. I don't quite know how to do this. I barely can bear the distance. Yet I am still broken. It hurts to be away yet I still can feel the aftermath 'cracks'. I find no peace and solace atm. I know to whom should I find the solace. I just do not know.  "broken glass makes distinct sound that makes your shoulders go up. Shattered heart makes no sound yet it makes spilled tears and sobs".  I cannot say or make it to be understandable how it hurts to be punished because of materials. it is sad to know you value less than a piece of damaged thing.  Tell me. How do I mend a broken heart. How do I cover the cracks. I feel like surrounding my heart. Tell me how to be okay.

"Everything changes in the blink of an eye".. indeed. lots of things have changed over such a short period. For the past few days, weeks or perhaps month? there were lots of things I wanna say. I kept on procrastinating this.  Life.. well.. in a way is quite better. Mom had been admitted at RIPAS for over a month. I think it was fairly almost 2 months. She was discharged last Tuesday. Alhamdullillah and I hope she would be stable. Abi is off for the Temburong rotation soon. Less than 3 weeks. Plus minus two weeks ish to go. And this time, I won't be counting days for a month. It would be two months this time. And I am quite nervous actually. I mean I depend so much on him. I am seeing him everyday no matter how busy we are during the day time. I hope things would be okay and bearable during the two months. How do I say this... Life is better and unfortunately I lost people again. I am not saying I regret it and I am not saying I am glad it happened. Let...

I miss my life. I mean I am living. lol. i miss doing things that I used to do back then. I miss having those priviledges. I am not  whining, I mean not entirely.. I can't help it. People said they could not imagine being in my shoes. Well, I am left with no options. I do not get to choose. I gotta swallow all the bitterness life is giving me. I am holding to my silver lining. I am almost to a parent figure to my little brother and sister. and yes, raising kids is not an easy task. I am not saying I resent for having to do what I have to do. It is just, I am not good enough. Their education... I am barely at home to watch over them. This kind of upgrowing is not what I wish for them to have. I can never be good enough. I am not saying I refuse to try. People say they will help around. Yet they leave. I expect certain gestures from few people. Again the thing about expectation is you are bound to get frustrated. So yes I am trying not to expect things from people. I have learn...

I am not gonna talk much. I just think I have become a bitter person. Not 100% I think. Guess life has been bitter. So I have become one bitter person too. Little things tend to annoy me Little things got me pissed off Somehow I become unreasonable at times. And this affects my relationship with certain people. I am sorry. I lost my way at times. I wish to be understood at times but I forgot you guys might expect the same thing from me. Expectations, I am tired to live up to certain people's expectations. But again, I am obliged. idk.

I wish Mom will get well. I wish mom to be as healthy as she used to. Mom and things have really got me thinking how life has changed much for me. I know I know, change, it is inevitable. I went back to Zumba with Jonathan yesterday with Kaka Nurul.. and yes class with him felt really right. I had a chat with Kaka Nuurul. She showed my a picture of my mom and my sister on her graduation day. I felt a pang of sadness. No, it was not because I didn't get invited to the graduation thing. It was.. the sight of my mom. She looked different, thinner and...sick... I hate seeing her like that. I really want her to be healthy. I know it is out of my control. My mom... she is an asset.. The only asset that could never be replaced. I could cope with my dad's death but losing my mom, I could not... I do not want to imagine life without her. Ma... please be strong... No one is ever going to love us the way you do. You deserve way better children than us. I know I am not the best..but please...

Hi and Assalamualaikum, it is the second week of January and though belated, Happy New Year people! May this year be a gracious and better year for everyone. Honestly I didn't have a good start on the very first day of 2015. That I was somehow dreading that my 2015 gonna be a bad year. Nauzubillah. I should not think that day. Never ever! ;) I have 300 plus of blank pages to fill in. I was looking through my pictures on FB just now. Those pictures back in 2011. My gawdd~ I was a lot thiiner back then. My not so little siblings were so small back then. They look different now. This might be a LOL but yeah watching them grow makes me feel like I am a parent. I am not a perfect sister for them. I love them dearly. I know I am not giving my best to them. Insya Allah I'd fix what can be fixed. Insya Allah :) I was so active back then. I went hiking and attended Zumba classes a lot. Gah I kinda miss those moments. Miss that Yuhana. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful with who I...