Thoughts
People that you thought you knew... people you thought you could rely on when you need them, people that you thought won't judge you... these people... what if you thought you had them and then turnt out you were wrong? It is heart breaking right? Alright, heart breaking might be a bit too much too use. But yeah... I guess apart from dissapointment, anger, frustration and yada yada, heart breaking is indeed one of these emotions.
I am not quite independent you see, I mean I am definitely NOT keen to bother or be a nuisance to people.. Not if I could help it. But yes, that does not change the fact that I am indeed a nuisance to people around me even if I do not mean it. And I am very sensitive at particular stuffs.
Right, I am mumbling. It is just... I think I take certain people for granted. and it becomes... how do I say it? inconvenient? Sigh. There is something nagging me. like suddenly I feel a bit lonely despite there are people around me. i am not quite at ease. there are certain people... they said they know me very well.. okay fine... but sometimes the accusation or alright, the real facts that they say about me... they bother me. I mean... sigh. I do not know how to express it. it is just at times i feel it is a bit unfair that i am willing to keep my thoughts about certain stuffs to myself, acted I do not know the 'back' stories and not being judgy and in the end i got quite a different thing?
I am grateful for things that certain people had done for me. i am truly grateful. and i guess getting my feelings offended at times are just a sum of price i got to pay for all those nice things. I suppose so. sigh.
Alright, enough whinning. I need to be independent. not to dpeend to much on people i guess. Yet I am afraid by doing this I might unintentionally keep distance from certain people. sigh.
Anyway... love's stepdad passed away last Friday. Al Fatihah for him. semoga roh nya di tempatkan di kalangan orang orang beriman. Amiin.
I feel sorry for his mother. I can't purely imagine how does it feel.. how it is for her. I fear to feel so, to imagine so. I am scared to know...
Dear me...my mood, these days... they are not quite positive. I feel desperate. desperate to be okay.
In a nut shell, I feel quite lonely. I feel alone. and i do not feel good.
I am not quite independent you see, I mean I am definitely NOT keen to bother or be a nuisance to people.. Not if I could help it. But yes, that does not change the fact that I am indeed a nuisance to people around me even if I do not mean it. And I am very sensitive at particular stuffs.
Right, I am mumbling. It is just... I think I take certain people for granted. and it becomes... how do I say it? inconvenient? Sigh. There is something nagging me. like suddenly I feel a bit lonely despite there are people around me. i am not quite at ease. there are certain people... they said they know me very well.. okay fine... but sometimes the accusation or alright, the real facts that they say about me... they bother me. I mean... sigh. I do not know how to express it. it is just at times i feel it is a bit unfair that i am willing to keep my thoughts about certain stuffs to myself, acted I do not know the 'back' stories and not being judgy and in the end i got quite a different thing?
I am grateful for things that certain people had done for me. i am truly grateful. and i guess getting my feelings offended at times are just a sum of price i got to pay for all those nice things. I suppose so. sigh.
Alright, enough whinning. I need to be independent. not to dpeend to much on people i guess. Yet I am afraid by doing this I might unintentionally keep distance from certain people. sigh.
Anyway... love's stepdad passed away last Friday. Al Fatihah for him. semoga roh nya di tempatkan di kalangan orang orang beriman. Amiin.
I feel sorry for his mother. I can't purely imagine how does it feel.. how it is for her. I fear to feel so, to imagine so. I am scared to know...
Dear me...my mood, these days... they are not quite positive. I feel desperate. desperate to be okay.
In a nut shell, I feel quite lonely. I feel alone. and i do not feel good.
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