Update.
Assalamualaikum and hi… It definitely had been a while ago since the last update. I am currently on my semester break, which ends in about less than two weeks. I ought to really do my literature review and deal with my questionnaires but again, not tonight. I don’t know when will I really get serious doing my but I just know I have to start off pretty soon. *sigh*. Okay, take it this way Yuhana, finish your work and you’d get to have real holidays somewhere next week. Bonus? Shopping? YES! ;)
Right, I already had little fun on my first day of semester break. I went to the fun fair at Riverview Inn hotel. I only wanted very much to go there when I knew there will be another reptile’s exhibition. I wanted to play with snakes again now that I actually find them to be a little cute. Lol. I was hoping to meet Bibo the lazy big lizard and YES I met him again. And he is just as adorable as I remembered. I went with few cousins and mum and usu bini. We watched movie before that. I am planning to go there again, bringing the kiddos to the fun fair. Somewhere next week I hope? Since on this 22nd onwards I’d be pretty much occupied with cousin’s from my late dad’s side wedding. I’d do some emceeing task within the days. I am not sure about it yet but yeah, definitely doing it J
Talking about my late dad’s side… It is 20th December today. Today marks the third year of living without my dad. Though my mum and sister insisted 21st to be the ‘date’, for me it is when we lost you that counts. I did not even have the last glimpse of you on that day. I only remembered hearing your footsteps going out for fishing. Time surely flies so fast. I actually was not thinking about today. I only remembered when my sister asked what date it is today. May Allah always bless his soul and may he be placed among the righteous people. Amiin. We love you dad. I know I definitely did not express enough love or care towards you while you are still around and yes I regretted it. And I have learnt crying over those regrets would not bring you back. I am sorry. :’) We went to see Paman early this evening Bah and Paman was wearing your cloth and he definitely looks a lot like you. Mama noticed it too and if…if you are still around she said you would have that much of gray hairs. He resembles you, in quite so many ways, stubborn and could not get the points. That was so you. :’)
I know I am insensitive at times, well most of the times apparently. I am sorry if being that way bothers people… but the thing is I can’t cry a lot anymore… I…seem to not understand… I know how it feels to lose someone you love, the regrets that keep on coming… the chances you wish you have… I think I can quite understand the emotions but then… I am sorry that I could not emphasize them well. The logic behind this fact that I could think of…well.. I do not know. I have guesses. Could it be… whatever the button that controls that logic or fact is turned off?... I have fears. I do feel scared that I wanted to cry when I think about losing my mother…my siblings… mostly it is my mother… I wanna give her the best she could have… I want her to worry less and I am doing my best not to hurt her feelings unintentionally. I regrets for not making her my priority when I was with my ex. It was as if my world revolves around him and as if nothing else matters. Somehow, the misfortune, the way things ended bad…was a wakeup call or bitter truth, a ‘karma’. Or shall I say punishment? Yet… I am saying Alhamdullilah that things ended or I’d never get the call and appreciate family value more.
I think I’d stop for now. Again… Al-Fatihah to my late dad… We love you. :’))
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